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    10/27/2007

    关于死亡

    晚上天很黑风很大,提前从图书馆逃出来,忍不住打寒战,冷,果然是秋天,落叶得时候.... 下午的一个电话打破了所有的计划,看着她稚嫩而坚定了脸庞,偶尔还在开着"阿妈"的玩笑,其实明白苦楚早已蔓延到全身上下,善良的孩子要承受失去亲人的痛苦,但她还要当阿姨的依靠,又不得不坚强,,,,, 不知道怎样安慰她,默默的跟她走到校门口,交代了些其它得事情,告诉我不必送了.我转头进了图书馆,心里却久久不能平静... 关于死亡的记忆是从姥姥的去世开始的,出殡的那几天很热闹,对各种仪式都很好奇,全然没有悲伤的味道,只是过了很久之后,忽然意识到再也不到和蔼的姥姥了,没有牙齿穿着花布兜兜见到我们都要满脸笑着亲一口的姥姥,然后被告之再去姥姥家的时候要说去姥爷家,当时不明白为什么要改,后来渐渐明白姥姥去了另一个地方,不会再回来了,死亡在心里烙下冷冰冰的印记. 庄子妻子去世时鼓盆而歌,惊叹他的超脱,也明白死亡和出生一样,是新陈代谢的一个环节,与春夏秋冬一样自然.宗教里甚至创造了一个美好的天堂,告诉人们我们以后去更好的地方,好让活着的人有个慰藉.然而我是个凡人,始终不能释怀,每当恶梦梦到至亲去世,总是满脸泪痕半夜哭醒,冷冰冰的夜正如冷冰冰的死亡,,,,,然后心有余悸,给家里打个电话,确定什么事都没有,方才心安. 死对于去世的人也许是种解脱,但有时却又揭示着生命的脆弱,,,,, 愿朋友的外公安息,,,,

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